countdown to 27

Today marks exactly one month until my 27th birthday. Birthday season used to be my all-time favorite filled with family time, freshly baked cookies, a layer of snow, and perfectly packed presents. I never feared aging; I yearned for it. It meant that I was one year closer to more travel, autonomy, and independence. It meant the right to choose what I wanted to do, who I wanted to be, and where I wanted to go.

Now, it’s a representation of confusion. I lack the clarity and assuredness that I once had. Is that a bad thing? No, but it’s new. The past two years my friends have been getting engaged, married, moving across the country, and having children. My life on the outside looks the same, but I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. It hasn’t translated into tangible changes yet though. For now, I’m just working and hoping that next year I’ll be reaping the rewards of it.

Do I know when I’ll get married or if I’m ready? No. Is it okay that I’ve changed careers three times by 26? Why not? Is it scary to admit that I’m not sure where I’ll be in 5 years? Yes, but also liberating.

Here’s to my last month being 26. One year closer to thirty, but feeling ready for more exploration.